Life, Love, and Denise

I Have a New Name

2011-01-12T01:28:00.003-05:00

Since August 10, 2010, (yes, it has been that long since I blogged) my world has changed. The last time we spoke I was six months pregnant. Well, the last three months of pregnancy were great. Yes, I was going to the restroom all the time, and I was huge but I felt great. I even wore heels to work almost everyday. As the days went on, I became more and more anxious to meet my sweet daughter (who at the moment is asleep in her crib and looks like an angel).

On November 17, Eric and I went to my weekly check up with Dr. Roberts. For the couple of weeks preceding, I had been 3cm dilated and 70% effaced. I knew it wouldn't be long. Because Adeline was due around Thanksgiving, Dr. Roberts was actually going to be out of town visiting family the couple of days before and after my due date. This made me nervous. On top of that, my dad was scheduled to have major back surgery the day before Thanksgiving. I expressed my concerns to Dr. Roberts. Her response was, "Well, do you want to have the baby in the next 48 hours. Because, I can make you go into labor." The rest of the conversation went as follows....

Me: "How can you do that?"
Dr: "I can strip your membrane."
Me: What is that?
Dr: I am going to edit this part because you really don't want to hear it. But, the short explanation is that it released the hormone that puts a woman into labor. There wasn't any medicine involved.
Me: Will it hurt?
Dr: It's not going to feel good.
Me: Look of fear spreads across my face. Eric, what do you think?
Eric: Fine with me.
Me: Let me think about it.
Dr: If you think about it, you won't let me.
Me: Okay. I then proceed to hold my breath and squeeze the heck out of my husband's hand.
Dr: Done.
Me: So, is this 100%?
Dr: No, but I'm pretty sure it will work.

Eric and I then leave her office around 4:30 and head to meet my mom for some early dinner at We're Cooking ( a new restaurant near Dick's Sporting Goods that I highly recommend). Over a very delicious chili dog, I tell my mom about the doctor visit. You can see her getting excited at the thought of having a granddaughter within the next 48 hours. At about 5:30, we leave and head to Best Buy. My back is also starting to hurt. I tell my mom and she gets this look on her face like, "Oh, no." I check out the new Kindles and hint to my mom that I would like one for Christmas. My back begins to hurt worse and now have pains that seem to have a pattern. They are about 12 minutes apart at this point. I ask my mom to come stay with me at the house.

Last picture of me before Adeline was born.
I was sitting in triage when this pic was taken

Once we get home, the get-ready-for-baby scampering begins. Mom helps me clean the house. I shave my legs and shower. Let the labor timeline begin...

10:30pm: I try to lie down but the contractions hurt too much.

12:30am: I wake Eric up because the contractions are 5 minutes apart. I also call the doctor on call, and she tells me to head on to the hospital. Eric takes a shower and my mom helps me gather the last few items.

12:45am: Leave for the hospital but only after a pit stop at Eric's work (we had to get his cell phone charger).

1:30am: We arrive at the hospital and have to wait in triage to see if I'm really in labor.

2:30am: They decide yes. You are in labor. They admit me, and I get a room.

4:00am: Get an epidural. Which, for the record, wasn't that bad. It just felt REALLY weird.

4:00am - 12:30pm: Waiting. Unfortunately, my epidural wasn't that effective. It would work a couple of hours then wear off. They tried a couple of different meds but no luck. I would just have to suck it up. Now, I do want to stress that the epidural wasn't a complete dud. Basically, I felt ALL the contractions, had the epidural shakes, had a lot of back pain, could move my legs on my own, but was numb in the most important part of my body.

12:30pm: I started pushing. This part was exhausting. I was tired, hungry, and wanted to meet my daughter. On top of that, I was running a fever of around 101 and throwing up between pushes. She also got stuck on my pelvic bone. So, progresse was slowed. But, my mom and Eric were there to help me through it.

2:04pm: Adeline Caragh Watts came into the world. She was 7lbs 4ozs and 20in long. I am on the verge of tears right now just thinking about it. Eric kissed me, and they handed me my daughter. Unfortunately, she wasn't crying loud enough so they took her to the nursery to be observed. They kept her away from me for over an hour.

Adeline Caragh Watts shortly after birth.

Eric and I in awe of our new daughter.

Enjoying time with my daughter the morning after she was born.

Overall, this is how I would describe labor. Not something I would call fun but not horrible.

From that moment on, we got to love on our daughter and show her off to all the wonderful family and friends that came by to visit. Just in case I forget (which I will) here is the list of all the people that came to see my sweet daughter:

Mike and Melissa*
Donna and Dave*
Helen Stirewalt*
Jane Watts*
Amanda and Matt Lay
Troy Suggs
Amy Seymore
Doug and Sherry Manning
Dave and Jackie Oehlson
Troy Fussell
Andrea Coomer
Courtnery Horner
Jeremy Payne
Devin Amans
Miriam Milsaps
Christie Roberson
Amy Williams
*Were at the hospital the whole time I was in labor.

Eric and I brought our daughter home on Saturday, November 20.

Our first family picture. Thank you Sarah with Sarah C. Photography.

As I reflect on the past couple of months, here is the prayer for my daughter.

Dear Father God,

Thank you for this most amazing gift. Your love is truly amazing. I thank you for allowing me to be Adeline's mother. The few parts of me that are good are only that way because of you. Adeline is just another one of those good parts. I pray that I turn to you for all parenting advice. I pray that I am an example of Christ for my daughter. My number one desire is not that she becomes rich or famous but only that she comes to know you at an early age. I pray she surrenders to you and turns to you for everything. If she must know pain, I pray she turns to you for comfort and healing. If she must know sorrow, I pray she turns to you for condolence. If she must know heartache, I pray she is reminded that you have held her heart since the beginning of time. I pray that you are shaping a man of God for her to meet and fall in love with one day. I desire that this man will love only you more than her. I pray for her health and happiness. But above all, I praise you for saving me with the death and resurrection of your son and allowing me to share this promise and gift with the tiny miracle you gave me on November 18.

Amen.

Through out my life I have been called a lot of things: daughter, sister, friend, wife, annoying, a bad speller and clueless. But now I have a new name: mother.

Miracle, Jellyfish, and Sixth Month

2010-08-10T22:06:00.001-04:00

Life in the Watts house is beyond wonderful. I really wanted to write my blog by weeks but I can't wait to let you hear about our great news, answered prayers, and miracle. On August 2, 2010, I had an ultrasound to check on Adeline's progress. Eric was unable to come due to a meeting so my mom came with me. I was too scared to go by myself because of what happened the last time.

The ultrasound showed me just how much cuter and more beautiful my daughter is becoming. My mom was blown away because she had never even seen an ultrasound before. Then the ultrasound tech gave me the best news I've ever heard in my 28 years.

"The cysts in her brain are gone."

Did she just say what I think she said? As I type about what happened, I get excited all over again. God has answered the prayers of Eric and I, my family, and countless friends. During Adeline's short life, she has already become proof of miracles.

So, God, I want to thank you for listening to my pleas. The pleas of a sinner that only has hope because of the grace your son brought me. Please let me never forget to let Adeline be reminded of your love and forgiveness everyday I am part of her life.

So what else is going on in the wonderful world of pregnancy?

21 Weeks - The "morning" sickness continued.

22 Weeks - A Trip to the Beach

I was very fortunate to chaperon four amazing girls on their senior trip to Hilton Head Island. I can't say enough about these amazing girls. What I love the most about them is their hearts' desire for the Lord. They are all great examples for their fellow peers. I know they are going to do great things with their lives.

Kayla is sweet and kind and always wanting to help others. Courtney never fails to make me smile and never failed to tell me exactly what she thinks which I admire. Devin's sweet smile and spirit are contagious to anyone who is around her. Andrea is one of the funniest people I know. I love her positive attitude and energy. They are also all very cute-probably why they got phone numbers whenever we went out. As the week went on, the more I thought that I would love it if Adeline turned out like these wonderful girls. I love them to pieces.

Kayla, Courtney, Me, Devin, and Andrea

The week was full of good food, sun tanning, and swimming. Unfortunately, the week also included me getting stung by a jellyfish. I was swimming in and then all of a sudden there was a stinging sensation all over my chest. I'm not going to lie...it hurt. I about came out of my bathing suit top. Thanks to Devin and Courtney they got me turned around so I wouldn't flash the entire beach. No lie, I didn't cry. The lifeguard gave me a mixture of vinegar and salt water to spray on my chest. I recommend this mixture for any future jellyfish sting you may have.

23 Weeks - Ultrasound and Miracle

When I returned from the beach, I went to the doctor for the above mentioned ultrasound. We got some great profile pics of Adeline.

I forgot to mention that the disappearance of the cysts wasn't the only miracle. The "morning" sickness disappeared (I think/I hope). As of 23 weeks, I have gained 3 pounds and LOSING my mind slowly.

For example...Every time I go to the doctor I have to leave a urine sample (pee in a cup). On this particular day, I had been holding it just so I would be able to go to the bathroom at the doctor. Once I got in the bathroom, I realized something was wrong. The cup was in my hand while my sample just went straight into the porcelain bowl. When I realized my sample was quickly getting away from me, I tried to recover but instead dropped the cup in the toilet. You would think that I had never had to leave a sample before. It was a very comical moment.

Week 24 - The Summer is Over

As I begin week 24, I also begin the 2010-2011 school year. I'm nervous that the losing my mind part of pregnancy might cause confusion for some of my students. I really hope they can bear with me for the next few months.

Now that I'm in my sixth month my favorite thing about pregnancy is feeling Adeline move. I think she might just be a gymnast because it feels like she is doing somersaults in my stomach. She also likes to kick or punch. I'm not sure exactly what it is but I love to put the remote on my stomach and watch her move it. It really is amazing.

Before July 12, 2010

2010-07-16T01:36:00.000-04:00

Before July 12, 2010, I never knew what it was like to truly be scared. Before July 12, 2010, I never knew I could love and care for someone so much. Before July 12, 2010, I never knew I could feel so helpless.

At 8:00 on July 12, 2010, Eric and I went to the doctor for Adeline's 20 week ultrasound. It was a full anatomy scan of her 12 ounce body. Going into the appointment, I had the normal nerves. At least I think they are normal. I mean this is my first baby.

During the ultrasound, Eric and I fell even more in love with our daughter. In my very humble opinion, she is the most beautiful baby in the world even when her pictures are only available via sound waves. Take a look for yourself....

It is undeniable. She is precious.

After the ultrasound, Eric and I were escorted to an examine room to discuss the pregnancy up to this point. There were a list of questions I had...When do we schedule the 4D? What about banking her cord blood? When will Eric be able to feel her move? But, I became sidetracked.

As soon as Dr. Roberts entered the room, she said, "we need to discuss some concerns with the ultrasound." Eric and I looked at each other, and it was obvious that both our hearts dropped out of our chests. Problems? What problems? She was moving around. She is so cute. How could something be wrong with her? Well there were concerns, three concerns. This is how the conversation went. Please note that it is not exact. I pretty much went into shock and started shaking when the doctor was explaining everything.

Doctor: After looking at the ultrasound images, we have some concerns.

In my head: Did she just say concerns? As in more than one?

Doctor: The ultrasound technician located choroid plexus cysts in her brain. Two of them.

In my head: Her brain? Seeing them on the ultrasound was worse than any horror movie.

Doctor: We also see some calcium build up around the left side of her heart.

In my head: Her brain and her heart?

Doctor: We also found...

In my head: MORE?

Doctor:...some debris in her bowel. This could be a sign of echogenic bowel. Now there wouldn't be a concern if these were isolated incidences but since there are three there is cause for some further testing.

In my head: Testing for what?

Doctor: All of these anomalies are signs/markers of down syndrome.

Me (now out loud): What did I do to cause this?

Doctor: Nothing. It is strictly chromosomal. It is whatever egg and whatever sperm the baby gets. We are going to schedule you an appointment with a specialist to look into this further and see if there is any concern. So, don't start worrying yet.

In my head: Don't worry? You just showed me pictures of my sweet daughter with problems with her brain, heart, and bowel!

Doctor: Do you want to do the blood screen that tests for down syndrome? It's not 100% but it will give us an idea.

Me: Eric, what do you think?

Eric: Let's do it.

While I was waiting to make the appointment with the specialist, Eric went out to the car to call his parents. When I finally got to the car, I noticed Eric had been crying but had stopped in time to be strong for me. I sat behind the steering wheel and cried my eyes out. It was the kind of cry that leaves you with a headache for the rest of the day.

When we got home (Eric took the rest of the day off), I began to call my immediate family. Every time I told the story I cried even more. I knew I loved Adeline but this experience changed it to a whole new kind of love. I am her mother and couldn't do anything to fix her, and that's all I wanted to do. I kept trying to remind myself that the doctor said not to worry yet. These are just possible signs. But the fear, a fear I never felt before, wouldn't go away.

Some of the thoughts that went through my head over the next couple of days....

Is God punishing me for something?

My daughter will never get married, go to college, live on her own, etc.

I hope everyone will still love her as much as her father and I do.

We are going to have to start looking for specialists to help her.

There were hundreds others. But, this gives you an idea. I know they must sound absurd and some of them are but I was irrational. The one I'm most ashamed of is that God was punishing me. How could this life inside me, whether she is normal or has a chromosomal defect, be anything but a gift from God. How can someone I love so much be a punishment? How can any creation of God's be a punishment? The answer is it can't.

On July 14, 2010, we had another ultrasound, spoke with a genetic counselor, and had a conference with a perinatal specialist. We were told there is nothing wrong with her bowel, there is a chance the cysts could go away, and the calcium build up does not hinder the function of her heart. On top of that, these conditions are also found in normal babies. They also didn't find any birth or physical defects. As the appointment progressed, I could feel all the fear and anxiety being lifted. They gave her a 1% chance of having down syndrome.

Today we got the blood test result back, and everything was normal. While there is still a chance our sweet girl may have a chromosome disorder, we are at peace and love her now more than before if it is even possible. God has taught me to not fear, trust in him, and the gift growing inside me is the most precious gift he could give me besides his son dying on the cross. As I type this blog, I feel this reminder as Adeline tosses and turns in my abdomen.

God led me to the following scripture...

I sought the Lord, and he answered me,

he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant

their faces are never covered with shame.

Psalm 34:4-5

A righteous man may have many troubles,

but the Lord delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,

not one of them will be broken.

Psalm 34:19-20

This past week God has truly answered the prayers of Eric and me. I read that when one was crucified the Romans would generally break the bones of the criminal but when Jesus was crucified they didn't break his bones. Just as God protected his son, he will also protect the bones of my unborn daughter. I praise God for this.

So, on a lighter note...Pregnancy update.

19 Weeks

I felt Adeline move for the first time. The first time I felt her I wasn't sure if it was her but later realized it was definitely her. I usually feel her in the morning and night.

I actually started to show some as well.

20 Weeks

We had our 20 week ultrasound as noted. I finally gained a couple of pounds. This is probably due to the morning sickness FINALLY lightening up. I only get sick every once in a while. Yeah! Enjoy the first belly pic!

Let the Second Trimester Begin

2010-06-28T22:30:00.001-04:00

I will be the first to admit that I have been lazy. Not just sitting on the couch not doing anything. I'm taking long (very long) naps and letting my house suffer beyond belief. This is the way I look at it, starting in November I won't get to sleep at all. That is my excuse, and I'm sticking to it. So how has pregnancy been the past few weeks....

15 Weeks - Eric and I went to Jacksonville, Florida with my mom and aunt to visit my brother and his beautiful wife. I got to spend a couple of relaxing days on the beach and take a visit to Sea World. I really liked Sea World. Eric hated it.

At the Lego Store in Downtown Disney after a very long, humid, rainy day at Sea World.

Feeding the dolphins at Sea World.

16 Weeks - Just a couple of days from returning Florida Eric and I made our way back to the doctor's office to find out the sex of baby Watts. The night before the appointment Eric picked out lots of boy stuff - clothes and nursery decor. I tried to tell him a number of times before that I thought baby Watts was a she. He didn't want anything with that.

Well, after a check then a double check the doctor proclaimed, "It's a girl!" Eric literally said nothing. But, after a couple of days and a talk with his dad Eric came around. He even bought her all these wonderful clothes.

She will have to wear a lot of bows.

I had always had the name Adeline in mind for a girl. It is one of my great grandmother's four names. When I heard my mamaw say the name years ago, I fell in love with it. We are still working on a middle name.

17 Weeks - If you were wondering, I still get sick. It isn't 24/7 but there are some bad days. I'll just have to deal with it I guess. One of the highlights of week 17 was a birthday party for Rye. Rye is my dear friend Amy's now two year old son. He is the cutest thing in the world. I think she hopes Adeline will be his future girlfriend.

Isn't he the cutest.

Before I left, I realized I hadn't got a pic with Rye for the blog. For the record, he really does like me but I did tear him away from his cake for the picture. Mistake.

Let's try again. Maybe not.

18 Weeks - I have started my 5th month. I can't believe it. Adeline also decided to finally make her appearance. I am showing. The first belly picture will be on the next post. I know you can't wait. Like I said earlier I still get sick and throw up from time to time. I have found that "most" of the time I can drink milk and sometimes find myself craving it.

Eric and I went to The Hill, a bar in the Fort. I know what you are thinking...Why? Well, one of Eric's friends was preforming there for his first time. It was fun but a very long night. Let's just say he didn't start until 10pm. The picture below was taking around 12:30 so forgive the hair and tired look.

Me, Eric, and Walden

The First Trimester

2010-06-13T23:05:00.004-04:00

From the day I found out I was pregnant, life has been a whirlwind. I was four weeks when I got the positive test result and six weeks when Eric and I saw the heartbeat for the first time. Seeing the heartbeat, was the biggest relief. It is hard to explain. Adeline didn't even have arms and legs yet but there was her, what I'm sure is going to be, sweet heart.

So, here is a run down of first trimester...

5 Weeks - While carrying dishes down the stairs, I fell down the stairs. End scene was me flat on my back, broken glass, and one crying 27 year old. I am sure Adeline didn't enjoy the ride either. I called Eric, and I was crying so hard he couldn't understand a word I was saying. My loving husband left work and drove home to check on me. One comforting talk later with my husband and a call from the doctor saying everything would be okay I felt much better.

6 Weeks - Eric and I visited the fertility doctor to see if there was a heartbeat. And there it was. It was too small to hear but it was definitely in there. My fertility doctor released me to my OB. She gave me the best news, "you are a normal pregnant woman now."

Before we left the office, Dr. Harris told us that if we want to try and get pregnant without drugs the second time we may have to try within six months of giving birth. This about threw Eric into aphletic shock. No decision yet. I want to make it through this pregnancy first.

End of 6 Weeks until well even now - Let the morning sickness begin. For those that have never been pregnant, or been lucky enough to be a pregnant woman who never got sick, let me set something straight about morning sickness - It is completely misleading. Never was I sick just in the mornings. We are talking about 24-7 nausea. The thought of any type of food makes you want to run to the bathroom crying for your mom. When the only thing refreshing is the bathroom floor, you know things are not good.

It got so bad one Saturday that I didn't even get out of bed. Eric would periodically bring me some peanut butter toast and water. He came in once and I was crying because I was just tired of being sick. One thing about me is that I don't cry so this really freaked him out. He tried to make me laugh. He looked at me and as serious as he could be said, "You know, if you were dead, I might clean you up a little bit." It may sound mean but it made me laugh. Within minutes, I called my wonderful mom. She came to my house comforted me, did my laundry, and forced me to eat more food. I love her.

8 Weeks - First visit with my OB. Eric was a real sport (we were there for almost three hours). We had another ultrasound and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time.

At this point, we started sharing our great news with everybody.

12 Weeks - Second visit with OB. During the ultrasound, we were able to Adeline's legs and arms.

What I've learned so far...

This baby is a miracle. I know that science can explain how a baby is created but it is so intricate how can someone believe that a higher power isn't involved.

I've always believed that life begins at conception but being pregnant has definitely solidified that belief.

I'm going to be anxious about the health and well being of Adeline for the rest of my life.

The "morning" sickness is very much worth it.

There is a God, and I'm not Him.

2010-06-11T20:06:00.000-04:00

In one of my favorite sport's movies - Rudy- comes this line, "There is a God, and I'm not him." After two years of trying to get into the University of Notre Dame, Rudy asks a university priest if there is anything he can do. The priest replies, "There are two things that I'm certain of. There is a god, and I'm not him." For years I have watched this movie and been confused by this line. How can a priest, a man of God, and a scholar only come to this conclusion? But over the course of the past year, I've come to understand the meaning of this phrase.

Around this time last year, Eric and I decided to try for our first child. I was so excited. I had everything planned out the way I wanted it. I would get pregnant quick (like many of my teenage students) and have my second and final child by the time I turned 30. I had always had the fear that it would take me awhile to get pregnant due to my past menstrual history. My menstrual cycle has never been normal/average since I was a teenager. But, after the first month of trying, I had my period and was pretty confident everything was going to go smoothly.

After four months of trying, I began to get really discouraged. I know what you are thinking, "Four months? That is no big deal. Chill out relax. It will happen." I wish I had a quarter for every time someone told me that while I was trying. And for couples who have been trying for years, this is a short time. But I can tell you that even those couples that have been trying for years became discouraged after four months.

A woman who deals with infertility has thoughts like this that go through her head...

There must be something wrong with me.
Maybe God doesn't think I deserve to have children.
I probably don't deserve to have children.
Why can horrible people get pregnant, and I can't.
God must think I will be a horrible mother.
I can't believe I saw another teenager pregnant today, and I still can't get pregnant.

As you can see, none of these are delightful thoughts. I struggled the most with - Maybe God doesn't think I deserve children and God must think I will be a horrible mother.

So what did I decide to do, and what got me out of this funk? A combination of miracles. Yes - miracles.

One - First God Sighting

My mother and I were taking a break from shopping at the mall and eating some Chik-Fil-A. While we are eating, one of my dear and precious friends who was expecting a child at the time happened to walk by. I congratulated her, and she asked when I was thinking of having a baby. God made it so easy for me to talk to her about my problems. I soon discovered that we had the same problems. She referred me to her doctor, who just happened to take the new insurance I was put on. From that point on, she was a constant support for me while trying to start my family. I truly believe it wasn't a coincidence that we just happen to run into one another.

Two - Fertility Doctor

When women think about starting a family, fertility doctor is the last thing on their minds. But, for me, it became a reality. My fertility doctor was amazing. I felt comfortable with her from the first day. God truly blesses certain people with not only intelligence but also the desire to help others. This is how I feel about Dr. Harris. If you are currently struggling with fertility, I am more than willing to send you her contact info. Just let me know.

After the first visit, it was determined that my thyroid was under active and not even healthy enough to carry a baby in the first place. First epiphany - God knew I needed to get somethings in my body regulated before I could even safely carry a baby. Once my thyroid was regulated, bring on the drugs. For me the prescribed medication was Femera along with HCG shots which I had to give myself.

So, what was my problem? Ovulation. What I had always had an underlying fear about. Dr. Harris believes that my ovulation problems were caused by PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You can Google it.

Three- Sp ritual Awakening

Now, where does the -I'm not God - come into play. My entire life I have planned and tried to control everything in my life. My weight, my grades, my relationships, my job you name it I found a way to "control" it. Having a baby was going to be the same way. Wake up call! The only person who has control over my life is God, and guess what, I'm not him. Now I know you are going to say, "But, Denise, what about freewill" I completely agree with you. We have freewill but we must never forget where all our blessings come from and who deserves the praise. I truly believe that God has used this experience to make me lean on him and not on my own understanding. Even when life isn't going the way I want it to, God has a plan not only for me but for you as well. Accepting that plan is sometimes the hardest thing for me to do. A Christan woman once said to me, "Denise, you believe that God created the world and everything in it. You believe that Jesus was God on Earth. You also believe that he was crucified. Why can't you believe that his plan for you is best?"

Four - Multiple God Sightings

During this ordeal, God placed me in a Bible study entitled Lord, Where are you when Bad Things Happen? Throughout this study, the Holy Spirit yelled at me some amazing things. I want to share two pieces of scripture with you.

Look among the nations! Observe!
Be astonished! Wonder!
Because I am doing something in your days-
You would not believe if you were told.
Habakkuk 1:5

If God was to reveal to me all the trials, accomplishments, and events that will occur during my life, I wouldn't believe him. My mind cannot comprehend all the things that God has prepared for me because I would try to understand it with my earthly mind.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I believe this is God's challenge to me, and he used my infertility experience to teach it to me. Life may not be good. It might actually be horrible but God is my strength, and he will make me strong.

The end of the story.

Almost a year of trying, cycles of fertility drugs, shots, numerous ultrasounds, and countless negative test results, the nurse for my doctor called me in March to tell me I was pregnant. While I was shocked and excited, God wasn't. He has known since the day I was in my own mother's womb that I would receive that wonderful news on that exact day. Isn't that comforting to know that God isn't surprised by anything? It is a great comfort to me.

If you do not have a personal relationship with Christ, let me know. I would love to share my faith with you. I'm not a perfect person. I sin and make mistakes everyday, but, I am also forgiven.

That priest that I belittled every time I watched Rudy was actually very wise. There is a God, and I'm not him.

I hope that precious Adeline Watts figures it out faster than her mom.

P.S. I promise to update the blog in a day or so with pregnancy news.

2010-02-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

So, I am a horrible blogger. But I guess now as my reader you have low expectations. I really am going to try to do better. I mean it has been since November and a lot has happened.

Christmas was wonderful. Eric and I had a great time visiting with our families. Plus, we got to see Dustin and Sarah who don't get to come up that much from Jacksonville. We love them both dearly and treasure each moment we get to spend with them. I have included a couple of Christmas pictures - my tree and table. I am slowly learning how to decorate or at least "fix" my house to the point so that people who visit know what holiday it is. Only I would still be blogging about my Christmas decorations.

Eric's wonderful mother Melissa put together the best present for my amazing father-in-law Mike. Mike and Eric use to spend every waking moment coaching a traveling baseball team - Silver Eagles. One team we ( I say we because I was every game and lost my husband every weekend for practices) coached from the time they were 12 until they were entering their junior year in high school. They won two state championships and participated in two world series. But, more than that we developed a special relationship with those boys, especially Mike and Eric. Well, for Christmas Melissa got as many as them together for dinner during the winter break. It was great to see them all together laughing and having a good time. I couldn't get over just how big they have gotten.

From left to right:

Walker (Freshman at Carson Newman, he plays baseball there and has a 4.0), Eric and I, Will (I can't remember where he is going to school but he is a genius and has three majors), Clark (Freshman at Carson Newman, he plays baseball), Adam (Freshman at Walter State, he plays baseball there), and TC (He is a sophomore at Tusculum, he is a scholarship baseball player)

Since my last post, I have also turned into quite the little homemaker. I had a cosmetic party and baby shower at my house. The baby shower was co-hosted with the lovely Julie Holt. The woman of the hour was Amy Seymore. And yes, she has had the baby. Addison Faith is a beautiful little girl.

Left to right: Julie, Amy, Me

Addison Faith

There has been one thing that has really changed in my life. By God's amazing grace, I have been involved in two amazing Bible studies for the past few months. One was the Purpose Driven Life and the other is Where is God When Bad Things Happen - a study of the book of Habakkuk. Through these two studies, I have truly been blessed by God's word and discovering his amazing sovereignty.

I am a person who likes to control all aspects of my life and it is amazing to truly accept that my plans may not be the plans that God wants for me. One would think that I would be angry that God isn't allowing my plans to work out but on the contrary, I have discovered that his plan is the best and only plan for me. I may not understand it but I know that his thoughts are not my thoughts. And by accepting this fact, I have found a peace and the only person I am trying to please is God and live as his son did. My prayer for you dear friends is that you have this same amazing peace that I have always known but through recent circumstances Christ has truly taught me to accept.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T14:18:00.001-05:00

So, it has been a while since I posted. My excuse, poor excuse, is that I didn't have pictures to blog with. Well, I still don't have pictures but blogging is why past due.

A lot of things have happened in the Watts household since my last blog. I have become quite the little house wife, except I have a full time job. Being a house wife can be very tiring. Last week I cooked dinner for Eric's wonderful family. So, I had to make sure everything was spic and span, and that I cooked something that even I could pull off. I decided to go with chili, chips, and cheese, baked potatoes, and corn bread. I think I did a pretty good job if I say so myself. Then, this past weekend I had the ladies in my family over for an Arbonne party. So, once again cooking and cleaning. I don't know how women with children and full time jobs do it. My hats off to you all.

I also took time to go see New Moon with a good friend. I won't spend too much time on it but I really enjoyed it. It was so much better than the first movie. This is all I am going to write because my blog will become nothing but vampires and werewolves.

Each Thanksgiving I usually have at least two meals but this year my mom and dad went to Jacksonville to visit my brother and sister-in-law. Eric and I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at Mike and Melissa's. Melissa really out did herself this year. It was absolutely delicious.

I was going to to do ALL of my shopping that following Friday but God had other plans for me. I got to a late start - 10am. I usually start around 6 but being by myself it was a lot easier to stay in the bed. I was ready to leave and then my car wouldn't start. My car has not been my best friend the past semester (I am a teacher-my life is in semesters). I had to have it towed once after school on a Friday and recently the turn signal clicker won't turn off. Talk about annoying. The actual blinking light will turn off but not the noise you car makes to let you know that your blinker is off. I have been listening to my radio really loud the past few weeks. This time I think it is once again the fuel pump. Eric's wonderful dad is going to come look at it tomorrow to see if I need to get it towed.

Eric was much more calm about the car not cranking then I thought he would be. I often underestimate him. He told me I should be thankful to have a car to be fixed. I guess he is right. Well, I know he is right. So, here is to carpooling once again.

Fall Break and Friends

2009-10-27T19:17:00.000-04:00

Since the U2 concert in Atlanta, Eric and I have been pretty busy. As soon, as we got back that I night I started a new Bible study with my roommate from college. I am very excited to be hanging out with girlfriends again. Then, I got a surprise visit from two old and dear friends - Alayna and Lindsey. They were suppose to go camping in North Carolina but surprise they got rained out.

While Lindsey and Alayna were here we went and saw Couple's Retreat with one of my dear cousins Ashley. The movie wasn't nearly as funny as I hoped. It is definitely a renter. On Sunday, Lindsey and Alayna headed back to Memphis.

The next week was a great week for all teachers - Fall Break. Everybody loves having two extra days off. The Wednesday night before fall break Eric and I joined his family for dinner at Cracker Barrel. But, before we could go eat, I had to clean this pup up. She got lose and ran into a vacant lot next to our house and became very very muddy

The next morning Eric work up late because I didn't tell him to set his alarm and tell him I was on fall break. I went back to sleep while he was informing me of all this.

Eric and I went with some of his co-workers to the Third Day Concert. The concert was great. We had a lot of fun. The next day we left for yet another trip to Notre Dame to watch the Irish take on the Trojans of USC. I didn't get very many pictures - sorry. I did get a picture of Eric eating this huge elephant ear. I helped him eat some of it.

Notre Dame had a tough loss. It came down to the very last second. It was the most exciting and depressing game at the same time.

After a relaxing time off, it was time to head back to work. I ended up getting sick at the end of this past week. I had to leave work early on Thursday and take Friday off. Thankfully it wasn't the flu but a UTI. Fun times. But, my lovely and wonderful husband surprised me Friday night with a brand new vacuum cleaner. I was so excited. I must be getting old to get excited about a vacuum cleaner.

My new Dyson Animal. It was very disgusting the first time I used it.

A Busy Week

2009-10-11T21:11:00.000-04:00

I wanted to blog once a week. This has not happened. I apologize. But, I had an eventful last week and have to blog about it. The week started this past Sunday. My mom and I took Eric down to Atlanta for the U2 concert. I would join him Monday afternoon.

Sunday afternoon we ate at Eric's favorite restaurant - Pappadeaux. They serve Cajun seafood. I am not a huge fish/seafood fan but the service is always so great it is not a bad place to eat a meal. But, because the closest one is in Atlanta, when we are in Atlanta, we eat there every chance we can. So for the U2 trip, we ate there 4 times.

Eric's favorite appetizer (I like it a lot too) is the fried alligator. You can see it in the forefront of the picture above. It is very tasty and spicy. It isn't very fishy, which is a plus for me.

Every meal Eric ordered the fried crabfingers. I have personally witnessed Eric eat two plates of these in one meal.

This is the chopped salad that I ate twice of the four times we were there. It has fried chicken and avocado. I also had a steak sandwich one night and hazelnut crusted tilapia the other.

The highlight of the trip had to be the U2 concert. Eric loves U2. I enjoy their music a lot but Eric is the true die-hard fan. This is a picture of the stage before the opening act Muse preformed. The people standing around the stage paid general admission and waited all day long to be the first people in so they could get as close to the stage as possible. While it seems like a lot of fun, the possibility of not being able to go to the bathroom scares me.

The stage for the 360 Tour is the most expensive in history topping out at $3 million. As the stage was prepared for U2, I noticed that each of the lights were controlled by individual people. It may be hard to see in this picture but if you look closely you can see a person seated behind each light. The lights were brought to the ground, the light technicians were loaded and belted in, and then suspended into the air. For someone who is as scared of heights as I am, I was very impressed by this.

There was a 360 degree screen above the stage so you couldn't miss anything. Overall the band sang at least 23 songs. I told Eric the night would be perfect if they sand Sunday, Bloody Sunday. Bono must of heard me.
The screen also extended all the way to the stage during parts of the show. As you can see, the Georgia Dome was packed.

Another shot of the stage. The bridge in the forefront moved throughout the concert allowing for the band members to come out to the outer circle and run around.

It was a great concert. Eric and I had a great mid-week-get-away. Eric has already mentioned to me that U2 is going on tour again in 2010 and wants to see them again. Even though the trip was over, we got to come home to these two cuties.

A Win, A Loss, and A Birthday

2009-09-14T19:20:00.000-04:00

Two weeks later and I finally have a post. A little over a week ago, the family traveled 8.5 hours to South Bend, IN. Not many good things can be said about Indiana. But, one very good thing is that it is the home state of the great University of Notre Dame. I only wish that I had $42,000/year to go there when I was 18. But, I digress. This year's trip did not disappoint. The weather was beautiful. The whole family arrived safely. Eric and I rented an SUV so my parents could ride up with us. Dustin (my brother for those who don't read regularly) and his wife Sarah flew up from Jacksonville, FL.

Friday we took a stroll around campus and spent too much money in the book store. We learned the hard way to not go near the bookstore on game day it is complete chaos.

The campus is amazing. South Bend isn't that pretty of a city but when you walk onto campus it all changes. This is the famous golden dome. It serves as their administrative building.

One of the new attempts of Notre Dame to make game-day weekend fan friendlier is to open up the famous tunnel for fans to come take pictures on Friday. If you are not familiar with the famous tunnel, it is the tunnel in which the players run out of before every game. If you need further clarification, check out the movie Rudy. This was an emotional moment for my family. I am not sure if the emotions came from the surrounding environment or the horrible memories of last season.

This is looking up the tunnel. All the National Championship banners hang there in all their glory. ND has the most National Championships of any college football team. They are third in college football history for most wins just behind Michigan in first then Texas. ND decided to help Michigan widen that gap this past weekend.

There are a few sites that have to be seen every time we go. The Grotto is a replica of Grotto of Massabielle in France. In 1878, St. Bernadette claimed to have a vision of Mary. St. Bernadette reported that Mary directed her to an unheard-of spring in the grotto. The site in France is popular for Pilgrims because it is believed that the water has special healing powers. In the upper-right-hand corner of the photo you will see the bottom of a statue. This is a statue Lady of Lourdes (Mary). This is always the quietest place on campus. When we go to the USC game, I will try to get a better picture of the grotto and of the lake it faces.

This is my brother and wonderful sister-in-law. Sarah is a huge UT fan but is always great when we head up to ND. She stays in good mood even when Dustin and Eric give her a hard time about being a UT fan. Sometimes they are ruthless. Let's just remind Eric he went to UT.

We take one of these pictures every year in front of Touchdown Jesus. The actual name for this 1964 mural/mosaic by Millard Sheets is "The Word of Life" a reference to the scripture John 1:1-5. The art is located on the side of the university's library.

About 3 hours before kickoff, the players all attend mass. They attend mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart seen in the background of this picture. This is one of the most beautiful churches I have ever been in. It also houses that largest pool of holy water I have ever seen in my life. The fans are waiting for the players to walk from mass to the stadium. We always wait for about an hour for a good spot along the walk. It is over in less than two minutes. Hey, when you are a fan you are a fan. I will try to get pics of the inside of the church next time.

As you enter the stadium, there are statues honoring the great coaches and players of ND's history. My family's favorite is Lou Holtz. Holtz was the head coach of ND from 1986-1996. Interesting fact about Holtz, he had the names removed off the back of the jerseys to promote team unity. The names have not been on the back of the jerseys since. I love him even if he makes crazy claims like ND is going to play Florida in the National Championship this year. Dustin and Eric were excited to get their pic with Lou.

This is our view during the game. The stadium is very small so there isn't a bad seat in the house. There isn't even a jumbo tron. See the sea of gold in the left? That is the famous student section. Watching them makes me miss college.

The whole family after the Nevada game. It was great we won 35-0. Maybe Lou is right. But wait, Michigan beat us this past Saturday. Ughh.

Eric and I after the game. He is always happy around sporting venues. Just a note, Eric doesn't have a white circle on his neck in real life. He is white circle free.

It was a great long weekend. As noted earlier in the blog, ND lost the following weekend to Michigan. I was really hoping to see Rich Rodriguez cry again. It was also my 27th birthday this weekend. No big celebrations just stayed at home with the hubby. So, not a bad couple of weeks if I say so myself.

It is Almost Time for Football

2009-08-31T17:32:00.001-04:00

Eric, Me, Dustin, and Sarah

Three years ago Eric's boss graciously bought us 50-yard-line tickets to watch Notre Dame play football against UNC. I have always been an ND fan but Eric has always cheered for UNC. I am lucky because one of Eric's co-workers is also a huge ND fan. So, the boss decided to buy the tickets - UNC for Eric and ND for Chris. Ever since that faithful day, Eric has been in love with ND football.

Eric, Me, Dustin, and SarahNotice how small the stadium is. Also how bundled up we are. It was cold to say the least.

Most people absolutely hate ND, mainly because they are ND. But I challenge anyone to go to a game in South Bend and not fall in love. The following year Eric and I took my brother and his wife up to Notre Dame for their birthdays. This was more for Dustin than Sarah. She is such a good sport.

Eric and I. Again, it was very cold.

We had so much fun that the next year Dustin and I bought Mom and Dad (he is the reason Dustin and I are even fans) tickets to a game and made it a family trip. We had a blast. So now it is a Kosak (my maiden name) tradition. This coming weekend we will be heading up to northern Indian again to watch the Irish open the season against Nevada. Hopefully I will have some great pics to share. But, before I blog about the big trip, I would like to share some things that I look forward to each year we go to ND.

Yes, that is me about to run a route.

1. Little kids in jerseys playing football on campus.
2. Watching the players walk from pre-game Mass to the stadium.
3. Throwing football with my husband. I know this is a shock for some of you.
4. Watching the Irish marching band.
5. Seeing the gold helmets through the tunnel and out onto the field.
6. The food - I always enjoy a good grilled hamburger.
7. If it is cold, they have the best hot chocolate.
8. Cheering so loud that I lose my voice.
9. Spending too much money in the bookstore.
10. Spending the weekend with my entire family.

Not a Good Friday Afternon

2009-08-22T19:03:00.001-04:00

I just completed my first full week with the students for the 09-10 school year. I was ready to come home Friday and get my weekend started. Well, God has a way of letting you know that you are not in control of your life. I got in my car to go get Eric. I was looking forward to a nice dinner with my husband. Then, the car didn't crank.

I handled this pretty well. I texted Eric to let him know that the car wouldn't crank then called AAA to have them come jump the car. No problem. My evening would just have to be postponed for about an hour.

Maybe not. The car had to be towed. At this point, I am starting to get nervous and on the verge of tears especially since I am going to have to ride with a stranger to the repair shop. Once the car was dropped off, I walked over to McDonald's to wait for my very amazing in-laws to pick me up. See, Eric's battery in his car is dead. So, we had no car.

Eric's wonderful parents picked me up then took Eric and me to Wal-Mart to get the necessary parts for Eric's car to be fixed. After a dinner, a battery change, and a tire change, Eric's car was good to go. I can't thank Eric's parents enough.

My car is still in the shop. We were lucky that the damage is only around $100.00. I get to pick her up Monday.

Let's get week number two started.

Apologizes, School Days, and Zombies

2009-08-18T21:06:00.000-04:00

I have truly been neglecting my blogging duties. So, I apologize to my millions of readers who have been dying for me to post something about my oh so interesting life. The past couple weeks have just been hectic with school starting and getting back into a routine. Today was the first full day with students. I have to admit, I am starting my 6th year teaching, and I still get nervous for that first day of class. For those not in education, here is a list that will describe what it is like for me (and I think other teachers as well) each fall...

1. Worry about what to wear the first day of school

2. Can't sleep the night before the first day of class because I wonder what my new students will be like or praying what they won't be like

3. Get excited about new school supplies (this one may just be me)

4. Nervous about meeting new people (at my school, there were over 20 new people)

5. Look on the calendar to see when fall break is

6. Endless lines at the copy machine to make copies of letters to parents and my syllabus

7. A sore throat from talking so much the first few days

I am sure there are more. And, if you are a teacher, please feel free to add to this list by posting a comment.

I do want to mention one last thing. I recently purchased the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. It starts out as follows,

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in

want of more brains."

No, I am not making this up. It is actually a New York Times bestseller. I just couldn't leave it on the shelf. I am currently about 100 pages into the book. So, keep your eye open for a

future blog about Elizabeth Bennet saving Mr. Darcy from the flesh eating zombies.

Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

2009-08-04T18:25:00.000-04:00

My cousin Nic celebrated his 4th birthday this past week. I have not missed one of his party's yet. I just can't say no to cake and family. This year was especially exciting because his party theme was Spongebob Squarepants.

I love buying presents for little kids. Before the party, I stopped by Toys r Us and ended up with a bag full of Spongebob toys...

Ants in the Pants game - Spongebob theme
Spongebob book
Krusty Crab play set
Spongebob Candy
Spongebob Memory Card game

As you can see, I am a person who likes to stick to the theme.

I am going to admit on of my secrets right now...are you ready? I love Spongebob Squarepants. Now, don't start thinking I am crazy (Amy). I do not own anything with Spongebob print on it. I just really enjoy the show. It is actually my favorite show to go to sleep to at night. If you haven't seen it, try it. If you don't like it, I don't blame you. It can be annoying at times, but I have fallen in love with the characters. Squidward wants to be miserable and cynical but Spongebob won't allow it. Patrick isn't smart and he is fine with it. Spongebob loves life. Simple characters, simple stories.

My favorite quote from the show is said by Squidward to SpongeBob, "in case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and then we die."

You now know one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

Pictures of Mamaw and Papaw

2009-07-27T14:44:00.001-04:00

I just found some pics of my Mamaw and Papaw enjoy!

Edwin Dennis
I am not sure what year this pic was taken. I do know that he is at least 90 years old in this picture, no more than 94.

Margaret Dennis

Mamaw is in her late 80s in this picture.

Friends

2009-07-27T14:01:00.001-04:00

I have never been one to have lots of girlfriends and to the girlfriends I did have through high school I probably wasn't the best friend. It isn't that I talked about them behind their backs or played tricks on them, I just started dating Eric at a very young age, and he has been my best friend ever since.

Through college to the present, I believe I have improved on my friend abilities. This is not because of some great effort on my part. I have just had the privilege to meet some of the greatest women in the world.

Alayna Adams

If you could pick two people more different (personality wise) and put them in the room together, it would be Alayna and me. Alayna and I were pot-luck roommates our freshman year at UT. I went into the arrangement knowing I was going to be living with a stranger. Alayna on the other hand had been hoping to live with her best friend (a very sweet girl that Ms Woodward is). Well, she was very upset that it didn't work out, and assumed I was going to be some hillbilly that didn't wear shoes. To set the record strait, it isn't like Alayna is from Manhattan. She is from Memphis. I on the other hand thought she was going to be stuck up and rude. Because that is how all rich people in Germantown are.

Well, God knew we needed each other. I was a perfectionist to the point of being unhealthy. And, well, Alayna was not. Her motto in college was, "D is for degree." I thought this was blasphemy. She use to storm into the dorm room and yell, "Are you studying again?" But as the weeks went by, we rubbed off on each other. I didn't stress as much. She studied more (a little more).

I credit Alayna with saving me that semester and semesters to come. She taught me to relax, have fun, and that worrying will do no good. She is a true friend. She is my best friend. I will always love her as if she were my sister. Love you, Alayna.

You should check her blog out SassyMcSmartyPants. There is a link to the left.

Amy Williams

First, I want to point out that I am blogging about this particular subject because of Amy. She has been begging me, "when are you going to blog about how great I am?" I hope I do you justice Amy.

I met Amy 3 years ago at Powell High School. Amy and I had similar clientele so I would often go to her to seek advice. Over time, these mentor sessions turned into true friendship. Any time I need anything, Amy is just one phone call away. She is a beautiful woman with a sweet spirit and great sense of humor (which can be rather crude sometimes...Please consult Eric for clarification). My day is always better when it has involved her. I am a better person for knowing her. I adore you, Amy.

Kandi Seals MacMahan

Kandi has by far the sweetest heart of anyone I know. Kandi and I have known each other since high school but didn't become good friends until college. We became roomies our sophomore year and lived together until the end with Alayna. We were in each other's weddings, cried and laughed for each other during hard times, and never got on each other's nerves, at least she never got on mine.

I just had dinner with Kandi the other night to catch up. It was an extremly over due get-together. Nothing about Kandi has changed and that is what I love about her. Love you, Kandi.

Beth Whitlock Brown

I have known Beth since 1st grade, longer than I have known anyone. We have been the dearest of friends ever since. I moved away at the end of 6th grade, and with the help of our wonderful parents, we managed to stay in touch. Although, I wish I spoke to her more. Beth and I have shared some of the most precious moments together. The most important is the fact we got baptised on the same day and have grown in our faiths together ever since. Even though time and distance have separated us, I know with out a doubt we will remain friends forever. Thank you for always being there, Beth.

Dinner Divas

This is a group of young women that makes me smile every time I see them. I have been blessed to have monthly visits with them. The Divas (aka female version of a hustler) are: Amy Williams, Kacey Wright, Melinda Lentz, Logan Thress, Leah Thress, Hannah Thress, Sarah McAffry, Steph Sherrod, Johanna Bullard, and Allison Mcgregor. I am happy they invited me into their group. They hold me accountable and make me be a better person. But, I do like to think they would fall apart without me though. Until next month, Divas.

2009 Dennis Family Reunion Pics

2009-07-19T23:15:00.000-04:00

The cooks - the most important people.

The men in my life - my husband Eric, my dad David, and my brother Dustin.

My 1st cousin Marlee playing right field and worrying about her tan.

My 2nd cousin Nick and I decided to trade sunglasses.

The 3rd generation of the Dennis family. A generation that my mom and aunts would like me to contribute. Also, notice all the blonde hair. This is somewhat of a trademark of the Dennis family so when I showed up with red hair I got a lot of stares.

My second cousin Henry Hance. He was so excited about his new t-shirt that his Aunt Sherry had got him. He is currently batteling cancer and enduring some tough chemo treatments.

No, you are not seeing things. That is me playing 3rd base. I also made a cake and cookies for the day, very out of the ordinary.

My aunt Janice and her grandson Henry. Janice is somewhat of a local celebrity. Not only was she validictorian but she is the reigning Ms. Dandridge.

Dustin having a good time at short.

Eric and I in between innings.

Dustin and Sarah hanging out in the dug out.

Jake, my 2nd cousin, is ready to hit a homerun.

Yes, that is me batting. For the record, I got a single.

Eric having fun. Shh! Don't tell anyone.

My 2nd cousin Ashley was our team's pitcher.

The Rest of the Family

2009-07-19T22:13:00.001-04:00

This past Saturday I spent the day with my extended family, mother's side. My mom is one of eight children so I have a very large family. We still get together at least once during the summer in order to make sure we stay in touch. Like all families ours has experinced the lose of some of its most important members. In 2004 and 2005 we lost my mamaw and papaw, the true foundation of our family.

I was talking to someone the other day about how I use to spend weeks at a time at my mamaw and papaw's house in the summer. She asked, "Oh, did they live at the beach?" This question really got me thinking about just how special my grandparents were and still are to me.

The answer is no. My grandparents didn't live in the beach but far from it. They lived in a doublewide (which you wouldn't know if you drove by b/c my papaw had bricked the entire house) in Dandridge and had no money to their name. Just recently I have started to think about this. I never knew they were poor or struggled. All I knew was that every time we drove in from NC, SC, or IN they were there with unconditional love. I still remember Mamaw's home-made biscuits (that she made every morning of her married life), papaw sitting in his chair into the wee hours of the morning reading Louis L'amour, Mamaw rubbing my back helping me to go to sleep, Papaw telling a story that he had already told a hundred times, Mamaw telling Papaw to shut-up, "we've already heard that one Ed," Papaw playing soccer with us in the yard at the young age of 80, Mamaw taking care of me when my brother and I had the Chicken Pox, Papaw worrying that a democract would be elected or worse that I would marry one, Mamaw worrying that I wasn't eating enough, Papaw fussing at us for leaving lights on or going to sleep with the TV on, Mamaw's bear-like hugs, Papaw' overalls, and I remember their unconditional love for one another and their entire family.

Mamaw died Sept 4, 2004. If you know me well, you know this was the day of my wedding. In the early hours of the morning my mother woke me up. She didn't have to say anything because I could tell just by looking at her that Mamaw was gone. My mom and her brothers and sisters were my heroes that day. It could have possibly been the worst wedding ever but they all came to the wedding with smiles on their faces wanting to make sure my day was everything my mamaw would have wanted it to be. Not only did my aunts and uncles not miss this special event but my papaw was on the front row. After the wedding, I saw my papaw and gave him a big hug and cried for the first time over my mamaw's death.

In August of 2005, not a year after my mamaw's death, my papaw passed away. A pattern was starting to develop because on that day I was in the wedding of one of my best friends. People were starting to not want me to be associated with them at all on wedding days. They saw me as collateral damage.

My grandparents were married for 71 years. My papaw said after my mamaw died that he never realized how much he would miss his Margaret, and my entire family believes this loneliness is what brought him home to the lord.

My Parents

2009-07-12T20:15:00.000-04:00

I have had a wonderful life. It hasn't been a life full of money and expensive things but a life built on a foundation of love by my parents. There are a lot of great parents out there, and I am proud to say that my parents are some of the best.

My parents, Donna and Dave, met on a blind date in 1980. In a mere six months they were married and ready to start a family. After years of being told that she wouldn't be able to have children, my mom became pregnant right away. Whoops! and Yeah!! all at the same time.

From day one, my parents have shown me unconditional love.

My Daddy
Top Five

1)Gave me my love for history and an attempt at science
From the time I can remember, my dad was telling me stories about Columbus, Washington, Franklin, and Newton. He also taught me about the planets. The history stuck.

2) Use to sing this horrible song to my brother and me to wake us up in the morning. A song no doubt that I will sing to my children one day.
It's time to get up, it's time to get up in the morning.
Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning.
But, the worst of it all is to hear the bugle call.
I gotta get up. I gotta get up in the morning.

3)Taught me the value of hard work and to aim high. My dad never let me perform below expectations. I use to be annoyed by this fact, especially during high school. Now I embrace it and am thankful for my dad's push. I truly began to understand this on the day of my wedding when he read me a letter he wrote to me. I often find myself quoting my dad when speaking to my students. "Aim high miss high."

4) Taught me to love travel. We never had a lot of money when I was growing up. But, when ever the opportunity to show my brother and I a new part of the world he did it. I still remember the 3-day road trip to Utah and the numerous trips to Cincy to watch the Reds.

5) Taught me that Sex is a scared act between a husband and a wife. I never told my dad this but his talks highly influenced me on the importance of sex. During middle school, anytime my brother and I were alone in the car with him we go the sex talk. I hated these trips. Nothing is more uncomfortable to a 12 year old than hearing her dad talk to her about not having sex until she is married. Once I entered high school, he never mentioned it again. Well, it worked. One of the greatest gifts from parents is the influence to wait until I was married to have sex.

Sorry if that last story was too personal.

My Mommy Top 5

1) Number one influence on my faith My mother had one goal - to raise a Christian family. Because of her I am the Christian I am today. There couldn't be a greater gift.

2) Took care of me when I was sick (emotionally and physically). I truly feel that when I was in pain my mother was in pain. She wanted nothing more in the world to get rid of that pain. If it took staying up all night with me or holding my hair back for me when I got sick she did it. To this day whenever I get sick, all I want is my mom.

3) Taught me to be a good wife. My mom was and is a wonderful wife. At times when I was little/adolescent, I use to get upset by the things my mom would let my dad do (like have control of the TV). I was so petty then. Now, while I can't put it into words, I understand.

4) Taught me to be thankful There have often been times in my life when I wanted something or thought I needed something. But, the times in my life that I remember to be the happiest as a child is when we had nothing. When I was in kindergarten, we didn't even have enough money for gas so we walked everywhere. I didn't know we were poor mainly because of my mom. Because of her love, I had no idea. She taught me to be thankful to God for everything in life because it can be taken away at any time.

5) Never a day goes by that she doesn't think about me My mom thinks about me each day. She worries about me and wonders if I am doing okay. Usually she calls me each day at 5:00 on her way home to see how my day went. There is something special about knowing that someone loves you that much.

First Blog

2009-07-10T15:14:00.000-04:00

After the persuasion of two young ladies, I have decided to start a blog. So, if this blog is too boring or horrible you will need to contact Logan Thress and Kacey Wright. I ask for forgiveness in advance if this is horrible.

My first blogs will be about my family. God has blessed me by putting amazing people in my life, mostly my family

Meeting My Husband

In 1996 I was a freshmen at Jefferson County High School in Dandridge, TN. I had just gone through a major "growing" phase for the better. I went to middle school in Indiana so no one at the high school knew the "before" me. Just to give you an idea of how dorky I was picture a young 12 year old with glasses, buck teeth, a big bow in her hair, and wearing a turtle neck and a matching vest with teddy bears on it. Yeah, it was that bad. Throw in a head gear and guys barking at me and you have my life in middle school.

So, starting high school was a new opportunity for me. An opportunity to meet boys that had never met me before. I could actually, maybe, possibly get a boyfriend. What I didn't expect was to find a husband. But, If I've learned anything, life isn't on my schedule but God's.

It was 2nd semester of my freshmen year, and I walked into World Geography for the first day. On the far side of the room was a tall boy wearing a North Carolina Tarheels sweatshirt, and I thought that boy is really cute. I chose the seat closest to him, and hoped he would talk to me.

As the semester went on, we became very good friends but not dating material. I would later find out that he once told his mother I was to peppy to be an actual girlfriend

When I started my sophomore year, I discovered we had French together. At this point, we were becoming best friends. I also gained a boyfriend (not Eric). I thought he was perfect until a couple months later I discovered the only reason he was dating me was to win a bet with another guy. They wanted to see which one could get me to sleep with them first. REALLY?!? I thought this stuff only happened in movies. They both lost the bet, and I turned to Eric.

By the middle of my sophomore year, Eric and I were an official couple. It was obvious that God designed us for one another.

When I was a little girl, I would often wonder how God created couples, and I finally came up with the following scenario. When God creates a child, each child has a personal blue print. God then creates an additional blue print for the child's husband/wife. At some point in life, these blue prints cross paths. You just have to be paying attention. Because God knows each person more than anyone else this match is the most special thing in the world.

Eric is my matching blue print. We have been together for 12 years and married for almost five. He has seen the worst of me and the best of me and loves me for it all. I honestly cannot picture my life without him. Because of him, I am a better person.