Let the Second Trimester Begin

I will be the first to admit that I have been lazy.  Not just sitting on the couch not doing anything.  I'm taking long (very long) naps and letting my house suffer beyond belief.  This is the way I look at it, starting in November I won't get to sleep at all.  That is my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.  So how has pregnancy been the past few weeks....

15 Weeks - Eric and I went to Jacksonville, Florida with my mom and aunt to visit my brother and his beautiful wife.  I got to spend a couple of relaxing days on the beach and take a visit to Sea World.  I really liked Sea World.  Eric hated it.

At the Lego Store in Downtown Disney after a very long, humid, rainy day at Sea World.

Feeding the dolphins at Sea World.

16 Weeks - Just a couple of days from returning Florida Eric and I made our way back to the doctor's office to find out the sex of baby Watts.  The night before the appointment Eric picked out lots of boy stuff - clothes and nursery decor.  I tried to tell him a number of times before that I thought baby Watts was a she.  He didn't want anything with that. 

Well, after a check then a double check the doctor proclaimed, "It's a girl!"  Eric literally said nothing.  But, after a couple of days and a talk with his dad Eric came around.  He even bought her all these wonderful clothes.

She will have to wear a lot of bows.

I had always had the name Adeline in mind for a girl.  It is one of my great grandmother's four names.  When I heard my mamaw say the name years ago, I fell in love with it.  We are still working on a middle name.

17 Weeks - If you were wondering, I still get sick.  It isn't 24/7 but there are some bad days.  I'll just have to deal with it I guess.  One of the highlights of week 17 was a birthday party for Rye.  Rye is my dear friend Amy's now two year old son.  He is the cutest thing in the world.  I think she hopes Adeline will be his future girlfriend.

Isn't he the cutest.

Before I left, I realized I hadn't got a pic with Rye for the blog.  For the record, he really does like me but I did tear him away from his cake for the picture.  Mistake.

Let's try again.  Maybe not.

18 Weeks - I have started my 5th month.  I can't believe it.  Adeline also decided to finally make her appearance.  I am showing.  The first belly picture will be on the next post.  I know you can't wait.  Like I said earlier I still get sick and throw up from time to time.  I have found that "most" of the time I can drink milk and sometimes find myself craving it. 

Eric and I went to The Hill, a bar in the Fort.  I know what you are thinking...Why?  Well, one of Eric's friends was preforming there for his first time.  It was fun but a very long night.  Let's just say he didn't start until 10pm.  The picture below was taking around 12:30 so forgive the hair and tired look.

Me, Eric, and Walden

The First Trimester

From the day I found out I was pregnant, life has been a whirlwind.  I was four weeks when I got the positive test result and six weeks when Eric and I saw the heartbeat for the first time.  Seeing the heartbeat, was the biggest relief.  It is hard to explain.  Adeline didn't even have arms and legs yet but there was her, what I'm sure is going to be, sweet heart.

So, here is a run down of first trimester...

5 Weeks - While carrying dishes down the stairs, I fell down the stairs.  End scene was me flat on my back, broken glass, and one crying 27 year old.  I am sure Adeline didn't enjoy the ride either.  I called Eric, and I was crying so hard he couldn't understand a word I was saying.  My loving husband left work and drove home to check on me.  One comforting talk later with my husband and a call from the doctor saying everything would be okay I felt much better.

6 Weeks - Eric and I visited the fertility doctor to see if there was a heartbeat.  And there it was.  It was too small to hear but it was definitely in there.  My fertility doctor released me to my OB.  She gave me the best news, "you are a normal pregnant woman now."

Before we left the office, Dr. Harris told us that if we want to try and get pregnant without drugs the second time we may have to try within six months of giving birth.  This about threw Eric into aphletic shock.  No decision yet.  I want to make it through this pregnancy first.

End of 6 Weeks until well even now - Let the morning sickness begin.  For those that have never been pregnant, or been lucky enough to be a pregnant woman who never got sick, let me set something straight about morning sickness - It is completely misleading.  Never was I sick just in the mornings.  We are talking about 24-7 nausea.  The thought of any type of food makes you want to run to the bathroom crying for your mom.  When the only thing refreshing is the bathroom floor, you know things are not good.

It got so bad one Saturday that I didn't even get out of bed.  Eric would periodically bring me some peanut butter toast and water.  He came in once and I was crying because I was just tired of being sick.  One thing about me is that I don't cry so this really freaked him out.  He tried to make me laugh.  He looked at me and as serious as he could be said, "You know, if you were dead, I might clean you up a little bit."  It may sound mean but it made me laugh.  Within minutes, I called my wonderful mom.  She came to my house comforted me, did my laundry, and forced me to eat more food.  I love her.

8 Weeks - First visit with my OB.  Eric was a real sport (we were there for almost three hours).  We had another ultrasound and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time.

At this point, we started sharing our great news with everybody.

12 Weeks - Second visit with OB.  During the ultrasound, we were able to Adeline's legs and arms.

What I've learned so far...

This baby is a miracle.  I know that science can explain how a baby is created but it is so intricate how can someone believe that a higher power isn't involved.

I've always believed that life begins at conception but being pregnant has definitely solidified that belief.

I'm going to be anxious about the health and well being of Adeline for the rest of my life.

The "morning" sickness is very much worth it.

There is a God, and I'm not Him.

In one of my favorite sport's movies - Rudy- comes this line, "There is a God, and I'm not him." After two years of trying to get into the University of Notre Dame, Rudy asks a university priest if there is anything he can do. The priest replies, "There are two things that I'm certain of. There is a god, and I'm not him." For years I have watched this movie and been confused by this line. How can a priest, a man of God, and a scholar only come to this conclusion? But over the course of the past year, I've come to understand the meaning of this phrase.

Around this time last year, Eric and I decided to try for our first child. I was so excited. I had everything planned out the way I wanted it. I would get pregnant quick (like many of my teenage students) and have my second and final child by the time I turned 30. I had always had the fear that it would take me awhile to get pregnant due to my past menstrual history. My menstrual cycle has never been normal/average since I was a teenager. But, after the first month of trying, I had my period and was pretty confident everything was going to go smoothly.

After four months of trying, I began to get really discouraged. I know what you are thinking, "Four months? That is no big deal. Chill out relax. It will happen." I wish I had a quarter for every time someone told me that while I was trying. And for couples who have been trying for years, this is a short time. But I can tell you that even those couples that have been trying for years became discouraged after four months.

A woman who deals with infertility has thoughts like this that go through her head...

There must be something wrong with me.
Maybe God doesn't think I deserve to have children.
I probably don't deserve to have children.
Why can horrible people get pregnant, and I can't.
God must think I will be a horrible mother.
I can't believe I saw another teenager pregnant today, and I still can't get pregnant.

As you can see, none of these are delightful thoughts. I struggled the most with - Maybe God doesn't think I deserve children and God must think I will be a horrible mother.

So what did I decide to do, and what got me out of this funk? A combination of miracles. Yes - miracles.

One - First God Sighting

My mother and I were taking a break from shopping at the mall and eating some Chik-Fil-A. While we are eating, one of my dear and precious friends who was expecting a child at the time happened to walk by. I congratulated her, and she asked when I was thinking of having a baby. God made it so easy for me to talk to her about my problems. I soon discovered that we had the same problems. She referred me to her doctor, who just happened to take the new insurance I was put on. From that point on, she was a constant support for me while trying to start my family. I truly believe it wasn't a coincidence that we just happen to run into one another.

Two - Fertility Doctor

When women think about starting a family, fertility doctor is the last thing on their minds. But, for me, it became a reality. My fertility doctor was amazing. I felt comfortable with her from the first day. God truly blesses certain people with not only intelligence but also the desire to help others. This is how I feel about Dr. Harris. If you are currently struggling with fertility, I am more than willing to send you her contact info. Just let me know.

After the first visit, it was determined that my thyroid was under active and not even healthy enough to carry a baby in the first place. First epiphany - God knew I needed to get somethings in my body regulated before I could even safely carry a baby. Once my thyroid was regulated, bring on the drugs. For me the prescribed medication was Femera along with HCG shots which I had to give myself.

So, what was my problem? Ovulation. What I had always had an underlying fear about. Dr. Harris believes that my ovulation problems were caused by PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You can Google it.

Three- Sp ritual Awakening

Now, where does the -I'm not God - come into play. My entire life I have planned and tried to control everything in my life. My weight, my grades, my relationships, my job you name it I found a way to "control" it. Having a baby was going to be the same way. Wake up call! The only person who has control over my life is God, and guess what, I'm not him. Now I know you are going to say, "But, Denise, what about freewill" I completely agree with you. We have freewill but we must never forget where all our blessings come from and who deserves the praise. I truly believe that God has used this experience to make me lean on him and not on my own understanding. Even when life isn't going the way I want it to, God has a plan not only for me but for you as well. Accepting that plan is sometimes the hardest thing for me to do. A Christan woman once said to me, "Denise, you believe that God created the world and everything in it. You believe that Jesus was God on Earth. You also believe that he was crucified. Why can't you believe that his plan for you is best?"

Four - Multiple God Sightings

During this ordeal, God placed me in a Bible study entitled Lord, Where are you when Bad Things Happen? Throughout this study, the Holy Spirit yelled at me some amazing things. I want to share two pieces of scripture with you.

Look among the nations! Observe!
Be astonished! Wonder!
Because I am doing something in your days-
You would not believe if you were told.
Habakkuk 1:5

If God was to reveal to me all the trials, accomplishments, and events that will occur during my life, I wouldn't believe him. My mind cannot comprehend all the things that God has prepared for me because I would try to understand it with my earthly mind.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I believe this is God's challenge to me, and he used my infertility experience to teach it to me. Life may not be good. It might actually be horrible but God is my strength, and he will make me strong.

The end of the story.

Almost a year of trying, cycles of fertility drugs, shots, numerous ultrasounds, and countless negative test results, the nurse for my doctor called me in March to tell me I was pregnant. While I was shocked and excited, God wasn't. He has known since the day I was in my own mother's womb that I would receive that wonderful news on that exact day. Isn't that comforting to know that God isn't surprised by anything? It is a great comfort to me.

If you do not have a personal relationship with Christ, let me know. I would love to share my faith with you. I'm not a perfect person. I sin and make mistakes everyday, but, I am also forgiven.

That priest that I belittled every time I watched Rudy was actually very wise. There is a God, and I'm not him.

I hope that precious Adeline Watts figures it out faster than her mom.

P.S. I promise to update the blog in a day or so with pregnancy news.