Miracle, Jellyfish, and Sixth Month

Life in the Watts house is beyond wonderful.  I really wanted to write my blog by weeks but I can't wait to let you hear about our great news, answered prayers, and miracle.  On August 2, 2010, I had an ultrasound to check on Adeline's progress.  Eric was unable to come due to a meeting so my mom came with me.  I was too scared to go by myself because of what happened the last time.

The ultrasound showed me just how much cuter and more beautiful my daughter is becoming.  My mom was blown away because she had never even seen an ultrasound before.  Then the ultrasound tech gave me the best news I've ever heard in my 28 years. 

"The cysts in her brain are gone."

Did she just say what I think she said?  As I type about what happened, I get excited all over again.  God has answered the prayers of Eric and I, my family, and countless friends.  During Adeline's short life, she has already become proof of miracles.

So, God, I want to thank you for listening to my pleas.  The pleas of a sinner that only has hope because of the grace your son brought me.  Please let me never forget to let Adeline be reminded of your love and forgiveness everyday I am part of her life.

So what else is going on in the wonderful world of pregnancy?

21 Weeks - The "morning" sickness continued.

22 Weeks - A Trip to the Beach

I was very fortunate to chaperon four amazing girls on their senior trip to Hilton Head Island.  I can't say enough about these amazing girls.  What I love the most about them is their hearts' desire for the Lord.  They are all great examples for their fellow peers.  I know they are going to do great things with their lives.

Kayla is sweet and kind and always wanting to help others. Courtney never fails to make me smile and never failed to tell me exactly what she thinks which I admire.  Devin's sweet smile and spirit are contagious to anyone who is around her.  Andrea is one of the funniest people I know.  I love her positive attitude and energy.  They are also all very cute-probably why they got phone numbers whenever we went out.  As the week went on, the more I thought that I would love it if Adeline turned out like these wonderful girls.  I love them to pieces.

Kayla, Courtney, Me, Devin, and Andrea

The week was full of good food, sun tanning, and swimming.  Unfortunately, the week also included me getting stung by a jellyfish.  I was swimming in and then all of a sudden there was a stinging sensation all over my chest.  I'm not going to lie...it hurt.  I about came out of my bathing suit top.  Thanks to Devin and Courtney they got me turned around so I wouldn't flash the entire beach.  No lie, I didn't cry.  The lifeguard gave me a mixture of vinegar and salt water to spray on my chest. I recommend this mixture for any future jellyfish sting you may have. 

23 Weeks - Ultrasound and Miracle

When I returned from the beach, I went to the doctor for the above mentioned ultrasound.  We got some great profile pics of Adeline.

I forgot to mention that the disappearance of the cysts wasn't the only miracle.  The "morning" sickness disappeared (I think/I hope).  As of 23 weeks, I have gained 3 pounds and LOSING my mind slowly.

For example...Every time I go to the doctor I have to leave a urine sample (pee in a cup).  On this particular day, I had been holding it just so I would be able to go to the bathroom at the doctor.  Once I got in the bathroom, I realized something was wrong.  The cup was in my hand while my sample just went straight into the porcelain bowl.  When I realized my sample was quickly getting away from me, I tried to recover but instead dropped the cup in the toilet.  You would think that I had never had to leave a sample before.  It was a very comical moment.

Week 24 - The Summer is Over

As I begin week 24, I also begin the 2010-2011 school year.  I'm nervous that the losing my mind part of pregnancy might cause confusion for some of my students.  I really hope they can bear with me for the next few months.

Now that I'm in my sixth month my favorite thing about pregnancy is feeling Adeline move.  I think she might just be a gymnast because it feels like she is doing somersaults in my stomach.  She also likes to kick or punch.  I'm not sure exactly what it is but I love to put the remote on my stomach and watch her move it.  It really is amazing.

Before July 12, 2010

Before July 12, 2010, I never knew what it was like to truly be scared.  Before July 12, 2010, I never knew I could love and care for someone so much.  Before July 12, 2010, I never knew I could feel so helpless.

At 8:00 on July 12, 2010, Eric and I went to the doctor for Adeline's 20 week ultrasound.  It was a full anatomy scan of her 12 ounce body.  Going into the appointment, I had the normal nerves.  At least I think they are normal.  I mean this is my first baby.

During the ultrasound, Eric and I fell even more in love with our daughter.  In my very humble opinion, she is the most beautiful baby in the world even when her pictures are only available via sound waves.  Take a look for yourself....

It is undeniable.  She is precious.

After the ultrasound, Eric and I were escorted to an examine room to discuss the pregnancy up to this point.  There were a list of questions I had...When do we schedule the 4D?  What about banking her cord blood?  When will Eric be able to feel her move?  But, I became sidetracked.

As soon as Dr. Roberts entered the room, she said, "we need to discuss some concerns with the ultrasound."  Eric and I looked at each other, and it was obvious that both our hearts dropped out of our chests.  Problems?  What problems?  She was moving around.  She is so cute.  How could something be wrong with her?  Well there were concerns, three concerns.  This is how the conversation went.  Please note that it is not exact.  I pretty much went into shock and started shaking when the doctor was explaining everything.

Doctor:  After looking at the ultrasound images, we have some concerns.

In my head:  Did she just say concerns?  As in more than one?

Doctor:  The ultrasound technician located choroid plexus cysts in her brain.  Two of them.

In my head:  Her brain?  Seeing them on the ultrasound was worse than any horror movie.

Doctor:  We also see some calcium build up around the left side of her heart.

In my head:  Her brain and her heart?

Doctor:  We also found...

In my head:  MORE?

Doctor:...some debris in her bowel.  This could be a sign of echogenic bowel.  Now there wouldn't be a concern if these were isolated incidences but since there are three there is cause for some further testing.

In my head:  Testing for what?

Doctor:  All of these anomalies are signs/markers of down syndrome.

Me (now out loud):  What did I do to cause this?

Doctor:  Nothing.  It is strictly chromosomal.  It is whatever egg and whatever sperm the baby gets.  We are going to schedule you an appointment with a specialist to look into this further and see if there is any concern.  So, don't start worrying yet.

In my head:  Don't worry?  You just showed me pictures of my sweet daughter with problems with her brain, heart, and bowel!

Doctor:  Do you want to do the blood screen that tests for down syndrome?  It's not 100% but it will give us an idea.

Me:  Eric, what do you think?

Eric:  Let's do it.

While I was waiting to make the appointment with the specialist, Eric went out to the car to call his parents.  When I finally got to the car, I noticed Eric had been crying but had stopped in time to be strong for me.  I sat behind the steering wheel and cried my eyes out.  It was the kind of cry that leaves you with a headache for the rest of the day.

When we got home (Eric took the rest of the day off), I began to call my immediate family.  Every time I told the story I cried even more.  I knew I loved Adeline but this experience changed it to a whole new kind of love.  I am her mother and couldn't do anything to fix her, and that's all I wanted to do.  I kept trying to remind myself that the doctor said not to worry yet.  These are just possible signs. But the fear, a fear I never felt before, wouldn't go away.

Some of the thoughts that went through my head over the next couple of days....

Is God punishing me for something?

My daughter will never get married, go to college, live on her own, etc.

I hope everyone will still love her as much as her father and I do.

We are going to have to start looking for specialists to help her.

There were hundreds others. But, this gives you an idea.  I know they must sound absurd and some of them are but I was irrational.  The one I'm most ashamed of is that God was punishing me.  How could this life inside me, whether she is normal or has a chromosomal defect, be anything but a gift from God.  How can someone I love so much be a punishment?  How can any creation of God's be a punishment?  The answer is it can't. 

On July 14, 2010, we had another ultrasound, spoke with a genetic counselor, and had a conference with a perinatal specialist.  We were told there is nothing wrong with her bowel, there is a chance the cysts could go away, and the calcium build up does not hinder the function of her heart.  On top of that, these conditions are also found in normal babies. They also didn't find any birth or physical defects.  As the appointment progressed, I could feel all the fear and anxiety being lifted.  They gave her a 1% chance of having down syndrome.

Today we got the blood test result back, and everything was normal.  While there is still a chance our sweet girl may have a chromosome disorder, we are at peace and love her now more than before if it is even possible.  God has taught me to not fear, trust in him, and the gift growing inside me is the most precious gift he could give me besides his son dying on the cross.  As I type this blog, I feel this reminder as Adeline tosses and turns in my abdomen.

God led me to the following scripture...

I sought the Lord, and he answered me,

he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant

their faces are never covered with shame.

Psalm 34:4-5

A righteous man may have many troubles,

but the Lord delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,

not one of them will be broken.

Psalm 34:19-20

This past week God has truly answered the prayers of Eric and me.  I read that when one was crucified the Romans would generally break the bones of the criminal but when Jesus was crucified they didn't break his bones.  Just as God protected his son, he will also protect the bones of my unborn daughter. I praise God for this.

So, on a lighter note...Pregnancy update.

19 Weeks

I felt Adeline move for the first time.  The first time I felt her I wasn't sure if it was her but later realized it was definitely her.  I usually feel her in the morning and night.

I actually started to show some as well.

20 Weeks

We had our 20 week ultrasound as noted.  I finally gained a couple of pounds.  This is probably due to the morning sickness FINALLY lightening up.  I only get sick every once in a while.  Yeah!  Enjoy the first belly pic!

 

Let the Second Trimester Begin

I will be the first to admit that I have been lazy.  Not just sitting on the couch not doing anything.  I'm taking long (very long) naps and letting my house suffer beyond belief.  This is the way I look at it, starting in November I won't get to sleep at all.  That is my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.  So how has pregnancy been the past few weeks....

15 Weeks - Eric and I went to Jacksonville, Florida with my mom and aunt to visit my brother and his beautiful wife.  I got to spend a couple of relaxing days on the beach and take a visit to Sea World.  I really liked Sea World.  Eric hated it.

At the Lego Store in Downtown Disney after a very long, humid, rainy day at Sea World.

Feeding the dolphins at Sea World.

16 Weeks - Just a couple of days from returning Florida Eric and I made our way back to the doctor's office to find out the sex of baby Watts.  The night before the appointment Eric picked out lots of boy stuff - clothes and nursery decor.  I tried to tell him a number of times before that I thought baby Watts was a she.  He didn't want anything with that. 

Well, after a check then a double check the doctor proclaimed, "It's a girl!"  Eric literally said nothing.  But, after a couple of days and a talk with his dad Eric came around.  He even bought her all these wonderful clothes.

She will have to wear a lot of bows.

I had always had the name Adeline in mind for a girl.  It is one of my great grandmother's four names.  When I heard my mamaw say the name years ago, I fell in love with it.  We are still working on a middle name.

17 Weeks - If you were wondering, I still get sick.  It isn't 24/7 but there are some bad days.  I'll just have to deal with it I guess.  One of the highlights of week 17 was a birthday party for Rye.  Rye is my dear friend Amy's now two year old son.  He is the cutest thing in the world.  I think she hopes Adeline will be his future girlfriend.

Isn't he the cutest.

Before I left, I realized I hadn't got a pic with Rye for the blog.  For the record, he really does like me but I did tear him away from his cake for the picture.  Mistake.

Let's try again.  Maybe not.

18 Weeks - I have started my 5th month.  I can't believe it.  Adeline also decided to finally make her appearance.  I am showing.  The first belly picture will be on the next post.  I know you can't wait.  Like I said earlier I still get sick and throw up from time to time.  I have found that "most" of the time I can drink milk and sometimes find myself craving it. 

Eric and I went to The Hill, a bar in the Fort.  I know what you are thinking...Why?  Well, one of Eric's friends was preforming there for his first time.  It was fun but a very long night.  Let's just say he didn't start until 10pm.  The picture below was taking around 12:30 so forgive the hair and tired look.

Me, Eric, and Walden

The First Trimester

From the day I found out I was pregnant, life has been a whirlwind.  I was four weeks when I got the positive test result and six weeks when Eric and I saw the heartbeat for the first time.  Seeing the heartbeat, was the biggest relief.  It is hard to explain.  Adeline didn't even have arms and legs yet but there was her, what I'm sure is going to be, sweet heart.

So, here is a run down of first trimester...

5 Weeks - While carrying dishes down the stairs, I fell down the stairs.  End scene was me flat on my back, broken glass, and one crying 27 year old.  I am sure Adeline didn't enjoy the ride either.  I called Eric, and I was crying so hard he couldn't understand a word I was saying.  My loving husband left work and drove home to check on me.  One comforting talk later with my husband and a call from the doctor saying everything would be okay I felt much better.

6 Weeks - Eric and I visited the fertility doctor to see if there was a heartbeat.  And there it was.  It was too small to hear but it was definitely in there.  My fertility doctor released me to my OB.  She gave me the best news, "you are a normal pregnant woman now."

Before we left the office, Dr. Harris told us that if we want to try and get pregnant without drugs the second time we may have to try within six months of giving birth.  This about threw Eric into aphletic shock.  No decision yet.  I want to make it through this pregnancy first.

End of 6 Weeks until well even now - Let the morning sickness begin.  For those that have never been pregnant, or been lucky enough to be a pregnant woman who never got sick, let me set something straight about morning sickness - It is completely misleading.  Never was I sick just in the mornings.  We are talking about 24-7 nausea.  The thought of any type of food makes you want to run to the bathroom crying for your mom.  When the only thing refreshing is the bathroom floor, you know things are not good.

It got so bad one Saturday that I didn't even get out of bed.  Eric would periodically bring me some peanut butter toast and water.  He came in once and I was crying because I was just tired of being sick.  One thing about me is that I don't cry so this really freaked him out.  He tried to make me laugh.  He looked at me and as serious as he could be said, "You know, if you were dead, I might clean you up a little bit."  It may sound mean but it made me laugh.  Within minutes, I called my wonderful mom.  She came to my house comforted me, did my laundry, and forced me to eat more food.  I love her.

8 Weeks - First visit with my OB.  Eric was a real sport (we were there for almost three hours).  We had another ultrasound and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time.

At this point, we started sharing our great news with everybody.

12 Weeks - Second visit with OB.  During the ultrasound, we were able to Adeline's legs and arms.

What I've learned so far...

This baby is a miracle.  I know that science can explain how a baby is created but it is so intricate how can someone believe that a higher power isn't involved.

I've always believed that life begins at conception but being pregnant has definitely solidified that belief.

I'm going to be anxious about the health and well being of Adeline for the rest of my life.

The "morning" sickness is very much worth it.

There is a God, and I'm not Him.

In one of my favorite sport's movies - Rudy- comes this line, "There is a God, and I'm not him." After two years of trying to get into the University of Notre Dame, Rudy asks a university priest if there is anything he can do. The priest replies, "There are two things that I'm certain of. There is a god, and I'm not him." For years I have watched this movie and been confused by this line. How can a priest, a man of God, and a scholar only come to this conclusion? But over the course of the past year, I've come to understand the meaning of this phrase.

Around this time last year, Eric and I decided to try for our first child. I was so excited. I had everything planned out the way I wanted it. I would get pregnant quick (like many of my teenage students) and have my second and final child by the time I turned 30. I had always had the fear that it would take me awhile to get pregnant due to my past menstrual history. My menstrual cycle has never been normal/average since I was a teenager. But, after the first month of trying, I had my period and was pretty confident everything was going to go smoothly.

After four months of trying, I began to get really discouraged. I know what you are thinking, "Four months? That is no big deal. Chill out relax. It will happen." I wish I had a quarter for every time someone told me that while I was trying. And for couples who have been trying for years, this is a short time. But I can tell you that even those couples that have been trying for years became discouraged after four months.

A woman who deals with infertility has thoughts like this that go through her head...

There must be something wrong with me.
Maybe God doesn't think I deserve to have children.
I probably don't deserve to have children.
Why can horrible people get pregnant, and I can't.
God must think I will be a horrible mother.
I can't believe I saw another teenager pregnant today, and I still can't get pregnant.

As you can see, none of these are delightful thoughts. I struggled the most with - Maybe God doesn't think I deserve children and God must think I will be a horrible mother.

So what did I decide to do, and what got me out of this funk? A combination of miracles. Yes - miracles.

One - First God Sighting

My mother and I were taking a break from shopping at the mall and eating some Chik-Fil-A. While we are eating, one of my dear and precious friends who was expecting a child at the time happened to walk by. I congratulated her, and she asked when I was thinking of having a baby. God made it so easy for me to talk to her about my problems. I soon discovered that we had the same problems. She referred me to her doctor, who just happened to take the new insurance I was put on. From that point on, she was a constant support for me while trying to start my family. I truly believe it wasn't a coincidence that we just happen to run into one another.

Two - Fertility Doctor

When women think about starting a family, fertility doctor is the last thing on their minds. But, for me, it became a reality. My fertility doctor was amazing. I felt comfortable with her from the first day. God truly blesses certain people with not only intelligence but also the desire to help others. This is how I feel about Dr. Harris. If you are currently struggling with fertility, I am more than willing to send you her contact info. Just let me know.

After the first visit, it was determined that my thyroid was under active and not even healthy enough to carry a baby in the first place. First epiphany - God knew I needed to get somethings in my body regulated before I could even safely carry a baby. Once my thyroid was regulated, bring on the drugs. For me the prescribed medication was Femera along with HCG shots which I had to give myself.

So, what was my problem? Ovulation. What I had always had an underlying fear about. Dr. Harris believes that my ovulation problems were caused by PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You can Google it.

Three- Sp ritual Awakening

Now, where does the -I'm not God - come into play. My entire life I have planned and tried to control everything in my life. My weight, my grades, my relationships, my job you name it I found a way to "control" it. Having a baby was going to be the same way. Wake up call! The only person who has control over my life is God, and guess what, I'm not him. Now I know you are going to say, "But, Denise, what about freewill" I completely agree with you. We have freewill but we must never forget where all our blessings come from and who deserves the praise. I truly believe that God has used this experience to make me lean on him and not on my own understanding. Even when life isn't going the way I want it to, God has a plan not only for me but for you as well. Accepting that plan is sometimes the hardest thing for me to do. A Christan woman once said to me, "Denise, you believe that God created the world and everything in it. You believe that Jesus was God on Earth. You also believe that he was crucified. Why can't you believe that his plan for you is best?"

Four - Multiple God Sightings

During this ordeal, God placed me in a Bible study entitled Lord, Where are you when Bad Things Happen? Throughout this study, the Holy Spirit yelled at me some amazing things. I want to share two pieces of scripture with you.

Look among the nations! Observe!
Be astonished! Wonder!
Because I am doing something in your days-
You would not believe if you were told.
Habakkuk 1:5

If God was to reveal to me all the trials, accomplishments, and events that will occur during my life, I wouldn't believe him. My mind cannot comprehend all the things that God has prepared for me because I would try to understand it with my earthly mind.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I believe this is God's challenge to me, and he used my infertility experience to teach it to me. Life may not be good. It might actually be horrible but God is my strength, and he will make me strong.

The end of the story.

Almost a year of trying, cycles of fertility drugs, shots, numerous ultrasounds, and countless negative test results, the nurse for my doctor called me in March to tell me I was pregnant. While I was shocked and excited, God wasn't. He has known since the day I was in my own mother's womb that I would receive that wonderful news on that exact day. Isn't that comforting to know that God isn't surprised by anything? It is a great comfort to me.

If you do not have a personal relationship with Christ, let me know. I would love to share my faith with you. I'm not a perfect person. I sin and make mistakes everyday, but, I am also forgiven.

That priest that I belittled every time I watched Rudy was actually very wise. There is a God, and I'm not him.

I hope that precious Adeline Watts figures it out faster than her mom.

P.S. I promise to update the blog in a day or so with pregnancy news.

So, I am a horrible blogger. But I guess now as my reader you have low expectations. I really am going to try to do better. I mean it has been since November and a lot has happened.

Christmas was wonderful. Eric and I had a great time visiting with our families. Plus, we got to see Dustin and Sarah who don't get to come up that much from Jacksonville. We love them both dearly and treasure each moment we get to spend with them. I have included a couple of Christmas pictures - my tree and table. I am slowly learning how to decorate or at least "fix" my house to the point so that people who visit know what holiday it is. Only I would still be blogging about my Christmas decorations.

Eric's wonderful mother Melissa put together the best present for my amazing father-in-law Mike. Mike and Eric use to spend every waking moment coaching a traveling baseball team - Silver Eagles. One team we ( I say we because I was every game and lost my husband every weekend for practices) coached from the time they were 12 until they were entering their junior year in high school. They won two state championships and participated in two world series. But, more than that we developed a special relationship with those boys, especially Mike and Eric. Well, for Christmas Melissa got as many as them together for dinner during the winter break. It was great to see them all together laughing and having a good time. I couldn't get over just how big they have gotten.


From left to right:

Walker (Freshman at Carson Newman, he plays baseball there and has a 4.0), Eric and I, Will (I can't remember where he is going to school but he is a genius and has three majors), Clark (Freshman at Carson Newman, he plays baseball), Adam (Freshman at Walter State, he plays baseball there), and TC (He is a sophomore at Tusculum, he is a scholarship baseball player)

Since my last post, I have also turned into quite the little homemaker. I had a cosmetic party and baby shower at my house. The baby shower was co-hosted with the lovely Julie Holt. The woman of the hour was Amy Seymore. And yes, she has had the baby. Addison Faith is a beautiful little girl.

Left to right: Julie, Amy, Me


Addison Faith

There has been one thing that has really changed in my life. By God's amazing grace, I have been involved in two amazing Bible studies for the past few months. One was the Purpose Driven Life and the other is Where is God When Bad Things Happen - a study of the book of Habakkuk. Through these two studies, I have truly been blessed by God's word and discovering his amazing sovereignty.

I am a person who likes to control all aspects of my life and it is amazing to truly accept that my plans may not be the plans that God wants for me. One would think that I would be angry that God isn't allowing my plans to work out but on the contrary, I have discovered that his plan is the best and only plan for me. I may not understand it but I know that his thoughts are not my thoughts. And by accepting this fact, I have found a peace and the only person I am trying to please is God and live as his son did. My prayer for you dear friends is that you have this same amazing peace that I have always known but through recent circumstances Christ has truly taught me to accept.